This guide was written by Eyal Matsliah, Sex coach at IntimatePower.com
Yoni massage or vaginal massage is a slow, hands-on practice that brings pleasure, healing, love and empowerment to a woman. It should be practiced outside of sex but learning it will make you a better lover.
This guide walks you through exactly how to give a yoni massage: how to set up the space, where to find her G-spot and Cervix, and the actual touch and massage techniques, step by step.
What are the benefits of a Yoni massage?
“Yoni” is the Sanskrit word for “Vagina”, and also means source, origin, spring, or “sacred temple”.
Yoni massage isn’t a happy ending. It’s an offering and a gift to your partner.
There are many benefits to yoni massage, including
Pleasure – While clit orgasms are nice, there are many more kinds of orgasms, ranging in durations, sensations, emotions, and part of the body. Some women who thought they were non-orgasmic have experienced their first orgasm or went into a looooong whole-body orgasmic state when they received a yoni massage.
“Here I was, a woman who until recently thought she was non-orgasmic, in a whole body orgasm that lasted for around two hours”.
Healing – Many women have experienced some kind of negative sexual encounter, even if it was their loving partner penetrating them too soon or too hard. Most women hold stuck emotions, memories and stagnant energies in their yoni, whether or not they’ve experienced abuse. That stuff doesn’t disappear on its own. Rather, it gets suppressed, and it surfaces during sex as discomfort, pain, rage, grief, or frustration seemingly out of nowhere. Yoni massage is one of the few practices that actually helps heal a woman’s body and heart. It’s not just a massage – It’s a transformational healing practice
Love – Sex is also called “Love-making” for a reason. For me, it’s all about Love. Love is the gift of the feminine. Yoni massage helps a woman’s open her heart to give and receive love, not just to her partner, but to others, and to the world. It deepens love between the couple and teaches a man to love through his body and presence.
Power – At first, you hold space and facilitate healing and pleasure for your woman. And gradually, she becomes more empowered and independent in her pleasure. She will wish to connect with you, not from a feeling of need, but from a felt-sense of fullness, because she will have so much desire and love to share with you.
There are also many benefits for you as the giver or facilitator. Learning to hold a Yoni Massage session moves you away from goal-oriented, penetration-focused sex, and teaches you presence and non-genital ways to pleasure and connect with a woman. Once you start practicing ejaculation control it doubles as a way to keep pleasuring her after you’ve pulled out, or if you missed the point-of-no-return.
Couples will notice a deepening of their intimacy, improved communication, and a revamping of their sex lives.
Check out the FAQ section in the bottom for a list of many other benefits.
What Attitudes Should You Bring to a vaginal massage?
Before you touch her, before you even meet her for the session, arrive with the right attitude. Do this as a service, as an offering, as worshipping the feminine. Do it with love and from love.
Cultivate presence. You’re giving her a session with your presence, not just your fingers. Have patience and persistence, because women are different, and sometimes she’s different every day, or every minute.
Be sensitive and attentive to her needs and how her body responds to your touch.
See her in reverence. See her as Shakti, as the divine feminine, as the most ideal version of herself.
A lot can come up in a Yoni-massage session: intense emotions, painful memories, pleasure that feels “too much”, or seemingly “nothing”. Stay open, accepting, and detached from the outcome.
Tell her clearly, before you even start, that you don’t expect anything back. Say it, and mean it, because many women will otherwise feel like they owe you something after you give them a yoni massage. Repeat it if you need to. And even if she offers afterward, stick to what you said. Let her have her own journey today.
Check out the FAQ section in the bottom for a list of many other attitudes – Remember it’s not about your fingers.
How Do You Set Up the Space?
Yo bro! Women are not men. Your woman is affected by everything she sees, hears, smells and touches from the moment she steps through the door. Set up the space nicely. Put away anything which might be distracting. Have soft lighting, candles, nice-smelling incense, and either relaxing or sensual music.
Buy edible or food-grade quality oil, like coconut, avocado or almond, in a container that will not spill.
Trim and file your nails.
Put a thick towel down and prepare another one close by, because she might have female ejaculation. Have a few pillows to prop yourself up and as support for her knees. Make sure you will not be interrupted. Put your phone on airplane mode and silence it – A notification sound when she’s about to orgasm might destroy the moment.
Set aside at least 1.5 hours for this meaningful encounter, or more if possible.
Take a few minutes to yourself beforehand, do a short meditation or just relax, breathe, and center in your presence.
Being present, relaxed and loving is more important than any fancy techniques you might perform.
How to begin a Yoni massage?
Sit together on the mattress.
You can express gratitude for being together, and to God, the Universe, Nature, Love, or whatever entity or higher power feels true to you.
Start with some eye gazing and breathing together. Look at her – Really look at her, find the beautiful things about her and her body and share that with her. That sets the whole tone before you’ve touched her at all.
Ask for permission to touch her. If the answer is no, don’t push it. Tell her you respect her “No” and ask her how she’s feeling.
Yes she might be your partner for 20 years, but it’s still a meaningful action to ask for consent. Then, go a step beyond consent and into an invitation – Ask her “Would you invite me to touch you today?”.
For some women, that’s the moment they get emotional or even start crying, because it’s the first time anyone has actually given them the choice and the opportunity to invite a man to touch them, rather than just passively agreeing to it. That’s therapeutic by itself.
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